I would like to share some the things that have helped me the most in my personal life and in my marriage:
1- The most dramatic way I have found healing is by studying and applying the principles of the 12 step program (which to me is basically an in depth handbook to applying the atonement)
2-The normal things we are told to do constantly but that I had taken for granted in the past but now have a renewed, vibrant testimony of: prayer, scripture study, temple attendance, priesthood blessings, fasting, etc. (I like writing down the priesthood blessings I get and can review them in times of struggle)
3-Reading and studying ensign articles and conference talks from the general authorities
4-Keeping a gratitude journal and focusing on things to be grateful for, remembering what is good in my life (and yes, sometimes this takes a lot of effort). I even did this with my husband, where we each wrote the top five things we loved about each other and shared them. Things like that have helped me remember why I love him, why he loves me and why it’s worth going through this for.
5-I look back at where I started when I found out about my husbands addiction and where I am now. When I realize how much I have grown, and what I have learned and how I have been strengthened, it helps me be grateful for the trial. I would not be the same person without it. It also helps me remember that even though sometimes it’s hard, I am succeeding, I am making progress and I must continue to be diligent, faithful and patient.
6-Journaling has been a great tool for me. It helps me with what I wrote about in 5) and it helps me get my feelings out and often times I learn a lot about myself when I start writing, it has been a time that I receive a lot of inspiration. (I also tend to do my best thinking in the shower – I think it is the concept of quiet mediation time wherever that might be)
7- Talking with others who are struggling. I helps me in having my feelings validated and feeling the love and support of others and learning from them. These people are angels sent to me from above and I am grateful for the gift.
1-My husband and I have shared what we have learned as we have went through the 12 step program. We are now closer spiritually and emotionally than we have ever been because we are opening up to each other and getting to know each other on a level like we have never reached before. Communication has been huge for us.
2-We have had to put into practice the gospel principles of understanding, compassion, forgiveness, patience, charity, etc. As these principles have been applied it has been very healing.
3-We wrote a list of goals for us as a couple and a family that will strengthen us and help us stay on track. Just writing these goals together was a great experience and I know as we live by them our marriage will only continue to grow.
4-My husband and I write little notes, cards, texts, etc. to each other regularly letting each other know how proud we are of each other’s efforts and progress. Expressing our love for each other and the things we are happy for. It has been a great tool in helping us focus on the positive, not to mention that love is a great motivator for doing well and our love for each other has grown immensely.
5-We have made changes in various things that have helped such as: we always go to bed together, we wake up in the morning before the kids to study scriptures and often times have a discussion on what we have read, we very seldom watch tv, we cannot afford to go out often so we will play games and have treats after the kids go to bed (at least once a week), we pray together every single night, etc.
6-Serve each other!